Happy Mama = Happy Baby

So truth is three years ago, if you had asked me what PP meant, I probably would've laughed at you...thinking it meant literally peepee.  Now, after two kids I know PP and PPD more importantly mean postpartum and postpartum depression.  PPD is no joke....now let's take a moment to flash back to Kinsley's PP days.

With Kinsley, I breastfed.  I breastfed exclusively for as long as my leave was, 6 weeks.  Then she went to daycare.  Immediately after going to daycare, she fell ill.  She was put on amoxicillin.  Booger wouldn't take the medicine out of a syringe so we mixed it with her bottle of breastmilk.  After that, she longer cared to latch on to me...why would she?  The bottle was quicker...So here I was now pumping at work and pumping at home.  This is a lot of work for those that do not know....takes twice as long and essentially two people to feed her.  Not to mention, the pump now had to follow me everywhere.  AND took extra time out of my work schedule to accommodate pumping.  O and Kins had to have warm milk, so this meant we took a bottle warmer EVERYWHERE with us.  But alas, I did it, after several infections and pains, I exclusively pumped for her first year.  It was what was best for her, right?

Looking back, looking back at especially those first 6-12 weeks of her life, I was miserable.  ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE!  Why?  Cause she was like a third leg/boob per se, she always wanted to be attached to me.  It was draining.  And I got no sleep.  Now, I wouldn't admit it cause geez depression...that's awful....but now, looking back- I had PPD.  Bad.  I resented my daughter at times cause she was so "needy".  This is an awful thing for a mother to say, I'm an awful mom.  No one tells you this side of motherhood- babies are just so cute...how could you think that.  IT IS NORMAL!  New moms, did you hear me?  IT IS NORMAL!  It is not easy, not at all.  There will be times you just need a break...and that is OK.  Now, let's flash forward.

Levi....Levi was born 9 lbs 2 oz.  Did you hear me?!?!  9 POUNDS!  I quickly learned this didn't just mean "ouch".  Because he was over 9 pounds, he fell into a different medical category.  He had special tests ran and everything.  O and with a 9 pound baby, he likes to eat!  I quickly learned that at the hospital.  He would feed every 2 hours, for just about an hour to hour and a half.  Okay, do that math...that meant at most, I was getting an hours sleep here and there.  Now, I thought o he's a great latcher- latched on perfect the very first time.  So why was he eating so much?  Had to be his size.  But I never "emptied".  So this meant, I became engorged more and more.  After 3 days, now at home, breastfeeding became more and more tiring.  He was still hungry even after 1.5 hrs of eating, so we started some formula (just an ounce after latching).  Well, then came his first ped appointment, sure enough, he's jaundice.  So the ped recommended more formula cause it helps with jaundice.  And after discussing with her more of his constant hunger, she suggested adding rice cereal to help fill him up.  Ok....so this meant breastfeed, pump (to help me empty), and bottle feed?  So when is it that I'm suppose to sleep?!?  At this point, I was in some pain.  So I scheduled an appointment with my doctor.  Sure enough, not only did I have mastitis in both breasts (look it up if you don't know what it is), but I was also fighting an uterine infection.  Mama was in pain!  Which is crazy cause Kinsley phsyically did more "damage" to me then Levi even though Levi was 9 lbs.  Recovery with Levi just was not easy....at all.  So I was put on meds, but only a Z pack cause I was breastfeeding, they couldn't prescribe stronger drugs cause it would go to Levi as well.

Here comes PPD....I cried and cried for two days straight following this.  I was in so much pain yet had a baby that needed me.  I'm the mom that wants to go natural, wants the best for my baby.  I HAD to breastfeed.  After day one, I started thinking though....is this worth it?  Do I want to go down that path again?  I do not want to resent my child, I love my child.  O and let's just "get past this", then what?  THEN I have to look forward to pumping for a year?  O yippee....It was then that I started talking to friends and Adam and decided that breastfeeding was just not in the plans for Levi.  This was the hardest decision ever....I felt like a failure.  How could I do this to my child?!  Again, PPD....after some love from family members and close friends, I started to feel better and better about it.  After all, if Mama isn't happy baby won't be happy.  O and how true this became.  After about 4 days of hell/engorgement, I grew to LOVE my baby boy.  I LOVE feeding my baby.  I LOVE that bond we have.  And not to make it sound "better" but bottle feeding really is easier and definitely more convenient.  Here's the bottom line....I will NEVER be one of those moms that judges another mom for formula feeding ever again (I used to be that way).  Sometimes, it is more important that Mama is happy.  Not to sound selfish but when Mama is happy, baby is happy and hubby is definitely happier.  Babies can sense when there is tension or hostility and if you hate every minute of breastfeeding your baby- then don't do it.  It is okay....your baby will be fine!

PPD is serious, if you think you have PPD, seek help.  Don't be ashamed (as I was), it is normal.  Take care of yourself- you are just as important as your baby!

Levi's Birth Story

Lots has changed since my last post in 2012.  Obviously, everyone has grown older and cuter (well at least Kinsley has).  We have moved into our "forever" home.  And decided to expand our family even further.

Adam and I started talking about a second child shortly after moving into this house.  By August, we were "successful".  The plan had been not to find out the sex but nerves and health concerns led Adam to change his mind.  At about 20 weeks, we find out our nugget had fluid build up in its right kidney.  This meant going to a specialists and getting more ultrasounds.  At about 28 weeks, we went for a follow up and everything was leveling out- meaning not so much of a concern.  This was when Adam voiced his opinion that he wanted to know the sex.  We always had our instincts but it was confirmed that we were indeed welcoming a little BOY into the Trombly family.  The next few months seemed to fly by.  Before we knew it, it was May 9th- my due date!

At this point, I had tried everything imaginable to get this baby out.  It was apparent, he had his own plans- much like his sister.  I always had the date 5/11 stuck in my head as his date.  Well 5/11 came, this year, it was Mother's Day.  We went about our normal Sunday routine and went to dinner at my mom's house.  During dinner, I had one very good contraction that took my breath away.  But it wasn't till on the way home that things felt different...

~6 p.m.  Adam was driving home from dinner in his truck.  I'd say I had about 3 good contractions on the way home- 20 min drive.  I told Adam that something was going on.  I mentioned to him after I put Kinsley to bed, I'd take a bath to test this once again.

~7:30 p.m.  Warning text had already gone out to my mom to be on alert.  I got Kinsley in bed and got in the bath.  Sure enough, this was it!!!!  FINALLY!!!!!!!!  I had a contraction in the tub then one immediately after getting out.  This is when Adam and I hit the "panic mode".  I called my mom, she was going to be on her way.

~8:30 p.m.  Mom and Tom arrived.  Kinsley was still awake in her bed (talking to herself of course), so they took her straight to their place for the night.  Adam and I finished packing up the goods.  I contacted my doula to let her know tonight was the night.  Told her that at this point my contractions were about 40 seconds long, 4-5 min apart.  She told me to wait it out at home some more.  Adam decided maybe we should eat something since it was apparent it was going to be a long night.  He fixed me a good ole PB&J sandwich.

~10:30 p.m.  My nerves were getting the best of me.  I decided even though the contractions were not any closer that it was time to go to the hospital.  I was just very uncomfortable at home.  After my last labor, I knew just checking in to the hospital could take hours and I wasn't wanting to risk that.  The second labor is suppose to go quicker right??!?!

~11:30 p.m.  All checked in and settled into the room by now.  Once I was hooked up and checked, I got in the tub.  I was at 3 cm upon arriving to the hospital (very disappointed by that- I surely thought I was at least 4).

~12:30 a.m.  I tell Adam to get Renee (doula) on her way.  I was exhausted and needed a reinforcement besides Adam.

~3 a.m.  Renee was here and I was getting out of the tub.  From here on out is kind of a blur,  at least as far as timing goes.  I know the contractions never really changed- timing wise.  Renee suggested I walk around to try to pick up the pace and encourage him to drop into position.  Well, my body had different plans.  At this point, I think I thrown up twice- including my late night "dinner" and apple juice.  I could not fathom just "walking around".  Exhaustion had set in.

~5:45 a.m.  My breaking point.  After throwing up again and again, I caved and asked for the epidural.  I was, I think, only 4 cm still and again contractions still at about 5 min apart.  This baby had no plans of coming out any time soon!  I knew at this point, labor was going to last at least through the morning.  Here I was working on no sleep...well it took another 45 min to be able to get the epidural.  If anyone knows how long this 45 min is- it feels like eternity!  First, they have to check you, check the baby, get an IV in you, have to have one bag of fluids, THEN they can call the anesthesiologist.  While I was getting my fluids, I got back into the tub to help ease the pain of the contractions (the intensity had picked up).  At this point, Renee and Adam say  my contractions slowed to about 11 minutes apart.  After receiving the fluids, I got out of the tub.  Once again, I threw up.  Now we had to wait on anesthesiologist.  He comes in, does his thing, which usually takes another two contractions or so- before the shot is even given to you.  Then, once you get the shot, it takes another 3-4 contractions to take.  Again, this felt like eternity.  But alas, I was good.  

~7 a.m.  Doctor on call came in to see me (Dr. Barrett).  He knew I was a patient of the midwife, Susan Lorres and wanted her to be present at my birth.  I got checked again and was now at 6 cm.  He looked at my contractions (again only 5 min apart) and knew it wouldn't be till around lunch time that anything would happen.  Which sounded awful in my mind BUT that is when Susan would be available so it would work out.  I could have my midwife for my birth!    The next few hours were some cat naps, some re-positioning to try to get the boy to drop and some chatting.  

~12 p.m.  Susan came in and broke my water (7 cm).  

Again, I have no track of time here.....so fast forward.

~2:15 p.m. Well still no baby...but I was getting close.  I started to fill that urge to push.  Let the games begin!  The nurses all took position and they brought the mirror out.  Now, "the mirror?" you say...yes, the mirror.  I did not really care for it with Kinsley but this time, this time, it was different.  I wanted to see this miracle take place.  O and let me iterate that my epi had started to wear off.   My drip was gone at at this point. So those contractions, the ring of fire, yeah I could feel that....but it worked out for the best.  My body knew what to do and when to push.  Things happen for a reason....So here I was pushing and pushing through contractions.  Just hoping that this would be a "3 contraction birth".  Again, he had different plans.  After about 45 min of feeling like I had made no progress of getting this baby out, the nurses called Susan over.  Okay, so this meant something right?  They knew something I didn't...was he really closer?  Was he that close finally?  I stared at the mirror at this point....every push I was just waiting and waiting to see that head full of hair.  Well finally, I could see something.  BUT I started to freak out, okay here is his head but where is SUSAN!?!?!  I know it probably was only like 5 minutes but again felt like eternity.  Susan arrived in what I felt like was just in time, the head was crowning.  The next push, here came his shoulders.  Then after that, my baby boy was on my chest.  ***This moment in time, is the best moments of a mom's life.***  The feeling and emotions that come over you when you finally have your baby on your chest cannot be put into words.  My baby boy, Mr. Levi Nicholas Trombly, was finally in my arms!!!  

Levi was born at 3:10 p.m. on May 12, 2014 at Northside Forsyth Hospital.  Weighing 9 pounds 2.4 ounces and measuring 21" long.  20 hours of labor, 1 hour of pushing.